Maybe I Don’t Want to Do This Anymore
Turning 49 has me asking questions I never thought I’d ask—about theatre, teaching, exhaustion, and the life I’ve become incredibly good at surviving. Maybe loving something doesn’t mean you have to keep giving everything you have to it. Maybe endurance isn’t always faithfulness. And maybe getting older means finally asking not how much more I can carry, but how much I actually want to.
Who Am I Without the Name Tag?
Who are you without your job, your accomplishments, your relationships, your personality traits, or what other people think of you?
I thought that would be an easy question to answer.
It wasn't.
In fact, I spent more than a week staring at a blank page, unable to describe myself without relying on the roles and titles I'd accumulated throughout my life. What began as a simple journaling exercise turned into a deeper exploration of identity, worth, belonging, and the uncomfortable realization that I may have tied too much of my value to what I do rather than who I am.
This is the story of the question that stopped me—and the truths I discovered while searching for an answer.
What’s at the Top of Your Heart?
Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time struggling with the Lord in prayer—over my health, my work, my relationships, and the uncertainty that seems to follow all of us from time to time. This week, I’m reflecting on faith, Gethsemane, lost sheep, prodigal sons, and the reminder that God doesn’t wait for us to have everything figured out before He comes looking for us. Sometimes what's at the top of our heart is exactly what we need to bring to Him.
Everything Ends. That’s Why It Matters.
Children grow up. Shows close. Seasons change. Entire chapters of our lives quietly become stories we tell.
As I've revisited memories of my mom, watched my children grow older, and reflected on the fleeting nature of the moments we love most, I've come to a simple realization: the ending isn't the enemy. The ending is what makes today matter.
A reflection on grief, gratitude, theatre, family, and the privilege of being here for the middle.
Still Choosing Her
“But you’re gay, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why do you want to date me?”
I didn’t have a good answer then.
Twenty-seven years later… I do.