Maybe I Don’t Want to Do This Anymore
Turning 49 has me asking questions I never thought I’d ask—about theatre, teaching, exhaustion, and the life I’ve become incredibly good at surviving. Maybe loving something doesn’t mean you have to keep giving everything you have to it. Maybe endurance isn’t always faithfulness. And maybe getting older means finally asking not how much more I can carry, but how much I actually want to.
When Everything Feels Like Too Much
Some weeks don’t arrive with a single breaking point—they just keep adding weight. That’s what this one felt like. Every day brought another responsibility, another decision, another thing that needed attention while my body and spirit were already stretched thin. I kept telling myself to push through, to stay focused, to keep moving forward. But underneath all of that was a quieter truth: I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and running out of margin.
Choosing Presence & Learning to Stay
I think we’ve been lied to about what thriving is supposed to look like. Somewhere along the way, thriving became synonymous with momentum, clarity, joy, productivity—good weeks where everything clicks and nothing hurts too badly. By that definition, this has not been a thriving week for me. But I’m starting to realize that thriving isn’t a mood or an outcome—it’s a posture. It’s not about having it together or feeling inspired. It’s about choosing presence when things are heavy, uncomfortable, and unresolved.