Pushing Pause on the Pursuit of Happiness
For most of my life, I’ve been very good at chasing more—more goals, more plans, more accomplishments, more of whatever comes next. But lately, something feels different. I still have dreams (including one that’s somehow become an actual second draft of a book!), but I’m beginning to realize I don’t have to wait for those dreams to come true before I’m allowed to enjoy my life. Maybe I’m actually starting to understand this whole thriving thing!
Maybe This Is Thriving
What if thriving isn't somewhere on the other side of everything that's hard? Maybe resilience isn't always dramatic. Maybe it's ordinary—showing up, loving, praying, hoping, and trying again tomorrow. I've spent so much time waiting for the next big thing that I'm beginning to wonder if I've misunderstood which parts were the big things all along.
Deliverance in the And
What happens when the miracle we’ve been praying for doesn’t come? When the prison doors don’t open, the grief doesn’t leave, and the circumstances we desperately want changed remain the same? Maybe deliverance isn’t always about being rescued from the thing we’re facing. Maybe sometimes it’s discovering grace, peace, and even hope right there in the middle of it.
And Then What?
What happens when the thing you've been waiting for finally happens? The new job. More money. The accomplishment. The recognition. The moment when it finally feels like it's "your turn." I've spent a lot of time believing happiness was waiting for me somewhere just up ahead—but lately, a much more uncomfortable question keeps showing up: And then what?
Maybe I Don’t Want to Do This Anymore
Turning 49 has me asking questions I never thought I’d ask—about theatre, teaching, exhaustion, and the life I’ve become incredibly good at surviving. Maybe loving something doesn’t mean you have to keep giving everything you have to it. Maybe endurance isn’t always faithfulness. And maybe getting older means finally asking not how much more I can carry, but how much I actually want to.