Deliverance in the And
What happens when the miracle we’ve been praying for doesn’t come? When the prison doors don’t open, the grief doesn’t leave, and the circumstances we desperately want changed remain the same? Maybe deliverance isn’t always about being rescued from the thing we’re facing. Maybe sometimes it’s discovering grace, peace, and even hope right there in the middle of it.
And Yet
What happens when nothing happens? No breakthrough. No revelation. No miraculous answer to prayer. Just life happening somewhere between the plot points—between the prayer and the answer, between knowing something needs to change and knowing what that change is supposed to be. I don't know what any of this means yet. Maybe that's why I'm writing it now instead of six months from now when I can tell you what it meant. Because maybe faith in the middle isn't certainty about what happens next. Maybe it's certainty about who is still there while I wait.
And Then What?
What happens when the thing you've been waiting for finally happens? The new job. More money. The accomplishment. The recognition. The moment when it finally feels like it's "your turn." I've spent a lot of time believing happiness was waiting for me somewhere just up ahead—but lately, a much more uncomfortable question keeps showing up: And then what?
How’s Jesus Holding You Up?
Sometimes faith isn’t the absence of fear. Sometimes it’s what we choose to do while we’re still afraid. On a morning filled with dread, worry, and worst-case scenarios, I was reminded that I don’t have to silence every fear or figure out what happens next. I just have to keep returning—to scripture, to trust, and to the God who is already holding what I’m trying so desperately to carry.
Maybe I Don’t Want to Do This Anymore
Turning 49 has me asking questions I never thought I’d ask—about theatre, teaching, exhaustion, and the life I’ve become incredibly good at surviving. Maybe loving something doesn’t mean you have to keep giving everything you have to it. Maybe endurance isn’t always faithfulness. And maybe getting older means finally asking not how much more I can carry, but how much I actually want to.